When you enter into the lifestyle, you may seek out someone who is more experienced than you to guide you and there are a few different roles you might be searching for. There are trainer, mentor, protector and friends. I'm going to focus on protector today, but I think I will expand on the other roles as well soon.
A protector is someone who you entrust with making sure you are not harmed when scening with other people. You will have to negotiate that role with the person you entrust to protect you, just as you would negotiate a scene, but in this role you will have to negotiate how far that role extends. Their role is to ensure that you play with people who are a good fit for you, perhaps to allow you to experience new things in the lifestyle or to make sure that the person you are scening with can provide the right kind of care for you. As a masochist you have to be aware that there is always safety issues and when you are not experienced, you may not realize how a certain scene is going to affect you. A protector will get to know you, understand what your needs are and that your needs are met during and after a scene and make sure to keep you as safe as possible.
A predator is frequently found swarming around the newbies, it is someone who has alterior motives and does not take the persons best interest to heart, but is more focused on their own motives. They might want the person they are protecting to form an attachment to them and take advantage of that person. It is difficult for the newbies to spot the predator for what he or she is. I have heard of several instances of people being taken advantage of when they enter the lifestyle, it happens all over the world.
When finding a protector, you need to make sure that you get references for that person, talk to other people and find out what their track record is. Make a list of things that you would like your protector to do and also what you might provide in return if there is an expectation of anything. Do not allow your protector to shut you off from people who you feel comfortable with. The most important thing is to communicate. If you feel uncomfortable with anything, you need to speak up and let your protector know. If it is not working out for you, then it is time to end that relationship.
A protector can be a very good thing. You do not need to be a new person to have a protector and they can provide you with a peace of mind when you are engaging in play with different people. Figure out what works best for you and how you like to play and that relationship can be a wonderful experience.
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